Now some may think that my lack of sleep is making me crazy, but I have to admit that this is one of my favourite times of the day. These quiet stolen moments where me and my littlest are the only two awake, it's just me and him snuggling together in bed.
Time will pass in the blink of an eye. Soon it will be morning, the alarm will sound and I'll get on with my day. Half forgetting the hours I spent awake the night before. Too busy to slow down with so much to get done.
People often say "I don't know how you do it with three kids?" I usually just smile and shrug at them. I love it. It will be all to soon that my little baby will grow up into an independent person.
Yes, my littlest doesn't sleep well, but he is still only so little. So dependant on me. That needing stage, I love it and it doesn't last long enough. I am his mum and he needs me for everything. Even the basic things in life we take for granted, like sleep. He needs me to help teach him how to go to sleep. And that is one of my jobs as his mum. I am his first teacher. It's me who must show him with patience and kindness until he has master it on his own.
With my oldest about to start school I have discovered my love of this feeling of being needed, because like everything in life it doesn't last.
Tomorrow I will stand - probably propped up against a wall - as I watch my first little baby start school. An exciting, emotional, nerve racking time for all of us. Where did my precious little baby go...
I have no idea what to expect. No idea how he will react. Now idea if he will cope well or not. Or even how I will react or cope? These are the fears that filter through my head during these early hours.
My oldest little baby, so grown up and heading off into the world without my hand in his. Just thinking about it makes my eyes well. How are you suppose to be able to let them go? How are you suppose to let a piece of yourself spend five days a week apart from you? So far their whole life has been wrapped around you. They have gone where you go, done what you do. It's hard to now let them go off on their own.
I read somewhere the other day that on the first day of school there are two types of parents. The first type, Type A, you will see wearing dark sunglasses, huddled together as if protecting each other from the cold. They talk in low voices, anxiously wondering what their children will do without them, constantly checking the clock, counting down the minutes until the teacher, as politely as possible, kicks them out of the classroom.
The second type, Type B, you will hardly see. They will be just a blur in the school yard. Their children will probably hurry off to find something to do and you might see them in the distant jumping for joy as they hop into their car; a woooohoooo echoing through the play ground.
Well obviously I will be a Type A.
I know some may tell me to get a grip.
That I am sending him off to school, not off to war.
But this is the start of a new life for him and he doesn't even know it. A new life without me!
It will be the first time in his life that if he gets hurt he can't come and find me so I can give him a hug and make him feel better. He will have to do it alone.
It will be the first time in his life that if he has a question he can't come and ask me. He will have to ask someone else.
It will be the first time in his life that he will have to make all the decisions on his own.
I am no longer his only 'teacher'. I feel like I have been demoted. As if one of the jobs from the Mum Job Description has been wiped off. Right under Taxi Driver, Doctor and Chef....
It is not as though he has never been alone before, or apart from me. But this feels so different, so permanent.
So anyone else got kiddies starting this year? How is everyone else coping? Anyone out there as anxious as I am???
Well I was probably worrying for nothing, but we did have a few tears on the first couple of days. We have settled in nicely now.